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There’s a Nigerian prince I can put you in touch with for more information…

Office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too. The “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim: And — I shit you not — the response: related: lean...

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“What if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus?”

As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous! related: All I want for Christmas extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia] Roundup of stolen Baby...

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A bitter pill to swallow

“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in...

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The time-tested “sausage, egg and cheese” diet

Angie in Columbus, Ohio says this is the second (hilariously) furious fridge note to be posted lately in the office kitchenette. Adds Angie: “Who knew a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich fit into a...

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What exactly are you trying to say?

Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California)....

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Coffee, mate?

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office? You could go for the semi-direct approach… But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that...

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So, you think your office fridge stinks?

Well, maybe all you need is a little perspective. Kelly in Dallas spotted this notice at a metaphysical bookstore in Lewisville, Texas. Apparently, she says, the last time the fridge was defrosted,...

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Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it...

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What, no padlock?

“Our receptionist is uber-paranoid about her stuff getting stolen, despite the fact that we are one of the rare offices where fridge theft isn’t a problem,” writes our anonymous submitter in South...

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On the next episodes of Hoarders…

Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate. (Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at...

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When refrigerators speak

THE LINE BREAKS ON THIS NOTE MAKE ME WANT…….TO PUNCH SOMEONE related: Everything you hate about office culture, in one note.

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Happy National Sandwich Day!

Would you care to furnish the last line of this haiku? related: Sandwich guilt

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Debbie downed ’er

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed. Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours…   related: Especially Deborah

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Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie. (The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”) related: Who moved my cheese?

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Missing: Red Gatorade. Answers to the name “Wally.”

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.” Instead, the notes left by the...

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Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end… related: Coffee, mate?

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Which is more annoying?

This bullshit, from an office in Baltimore? Or the unused-microwave-time version, from Claire’s office in Columbus, Ohio? related post: The Breakroom Nibbler

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Do you pocket like it’s hot?

If the consequences of eating a Hot Pocket aren’t enough to deter you from buying them, you should know that storing them in your freezer at work or school is still a risky proposition. (And no, Snoop...

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When I was green in judgment, cold in blood

I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an...

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Well, that was a missed opportunity.

Forget Tupperware parties — who could resist a Nasty Crap Container™? related: Don’t be such a miserable sod extra credit: Fred and Friends “Bug Bags” Lunch Bags

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